I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
