Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
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Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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