If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
