I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
