Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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