if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
