trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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