dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
