how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
