so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
