his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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