That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
