Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
