My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
This toilet bowl is my home.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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