peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
