if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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