Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Let's paint friendship bongs
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
