Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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