I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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