Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
