there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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