Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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