i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
