She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
