If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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