I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
