I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
