Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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