I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My bed smells like the plague
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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