Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
