But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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