but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
