Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
