I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize