I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
