I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
