you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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