I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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