so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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