i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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