doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
