i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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