His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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