her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
