You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
