Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize
