I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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