My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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