don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
