so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
