yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
