even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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