Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I bet he comes in French.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
