I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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