Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
