I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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