all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
