man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
