apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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