I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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