Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You need a sexual gate keeper
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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