so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
