I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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