CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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