yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
