I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I want to have your abortion
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
