Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
