Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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