I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
