You smell like a Billy Joel song
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
