Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize